Saturday, August 21, 2010

Geek Movies Coming Up Jan-June 2011 And Why They'll Fail

The Cabin in the Woods
Release Date: January 14, 2011 (3D/2D theaters)
Studio: MGM
Fail: On the chance MGM gets their stuff together, Whedon's audience is still pretty niche and he ain't even directing this movie. Besides, 3D conversion instantly makes any film darker. Darkening a horror flick seems kind of stupid. Especially one where sex seems to be at the heart of the story. No one wants to watch bad 3D nudity.

Will I See It? Depends on the trailer.

The Green Hornet
Release Date: January 14, 2011 (3D/2D theaters and IMAX 3D)
Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony)
Fail: Sony pushed it back. Not a good sign. Plus early buzz on the trailer from people who have seen it is quite mixed. Besides, I'm pretty sure Jay Chou 's ability to deliver English has proven this one will be bad when he opens his mouth. Also, 3D conversion... bleh.

Will I See It? Yeah. But not in 3D.

I Am Number Four
Release Date: February 18, 2011
Studio: DreamWorks Pictures
Fail: Adaptation of an upcoming young adult novel that's part 1 of 6 translates to no established fanbase. Really, wait a few books first Dreamworks. A sci-fi flick with no real leads as well. In fact the lead, Alex Pettyfer, was to be in Beastly which was suppose to come out this year then got delayed until after this movie comes out. So I'm not sure if he's done anything in the states. Anyway, teen alien fleeing destroyed planet falls in love with a girl, also starts gaining superpowers in a riff on Superman. Written by the Smallville creators too. I don't know, this one sounds like a big FAIL.

Will I See It? Sounds dumb but I'll wait for a trailer.

Paul
Release Date: March 18, 2011
Studio: Universal Pictures
Fail: Two geeky guys traveling around the US and meeting an alien. You can have the best cast ever but the mainstream hate geeks.

Will I See It? Maybe. Like the cast.

Sucker Punch
Release Date: March 25, 2011 (IMAX and conventional theaters)
Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures
Fail: Um... girls in a institution with giant robots and dragons and other wicked stuff to battle. What? Apparently the lead character imagines all this but the film, from the first trailer makes no sense. I can imagine it making people scratch their head like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World which was all kinds of awesome by the way. So in spite of a good cast and director, it could not succeed.

Will I See It? Fuck yeah.

Priest
Release Date: May 13, 2011 (3D/2D theaters)
Studio: Screen Gems (Sony)
Fail: No one apparently wants to see Vampire Killer movies. I mean, its all about sexy vampires now. Besides, its coming out between Thor and a new Pirates. Plus, two weeks later is Hangover 2 and the second Kung Fu Panda. I expect at least one movie to be moved but still... You're screwed.

Will I See It? With Thor, Pirates and Hangover 2 the same month, fuck no.

X-Men: First Class
Release Date: June 3, 2011
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Fail: Set in the '60s. Focusing on Professor X and Magneto? Where's Wolverine and the rest of the well known X-Men? Oh... wait... They're not here. Plus the fact there is a huge cast can work against a two hour film. Expect this to push Fox to reboot the series or abandon it until the rights revert to Marvel(maybe).

Will I See It? No Cyclops? Other than Emma Front there's almost no mutants in this I like. And even then Cyke should be nailing Emma Frost like in the comics. Fuck you Fox!

Caesar: Rise of the Apes
Release Date: June 24, 2011
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Fail: Screw the Planet of Apes movies made after the classic second film.

Will I See It? See above statement.



More later.

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